How Do You Know When You're Ready To Become A Parent?

Easy question, right? No pressure.

To be completely honest, I was never really sure if I wanted a child or if I’d have the opportunity to be a parent. My pre-baby self would always joke with my girlfriends that already had kids about mommy things like lack of sleep, sore nipples and the downsides to labor and as a result of hearing their not so always rosy answers, I found myself asking,  "What made you decide to have kids??! Are you crazy??" In the back of my mind as they were laughing at the jokes, I was always thinking something along the lines of, "No really - I'm not kidding. What made you want to do it?"

Most people never know when they're really ready or prepared to have a baby but my story goes a little deeper than that. Over the last few days, I've had a few girlfriends ask me how I knew I was ready to have a child so I thought I would talk about it here.

Growing up I was never much into playing house, playing with baby dolls or anything close to resembling homemaking or taking care of a child. As a matter of fact, my Cabbage Patch doll was naked most of the time and most of my Barbies walked around without their heads as I had cut them off. I would have rather been outside riding skate boards in the neighborhood with my boy friends, playing in the creek across the street from our house or reading. As I got older, I refined my femininity quite a bit but never my feelings towards having a family - the feeling just wasn't there.

I guess I could chalk half of it up to selfish feelings; I enjoyed my freedom, I liked not being responsible for anyone but me and liked knowing that my life was mine and mine alone but it was more than that looking back on it now. At the time, I questioned whether or not I really had what it takes to be a good mom. I loved kids but it concerned me that I didn't have a natural mothering instinct. Couple this with the fact that I was married to a man at the time who didn't want kids, so it was easy to not have to deal with my feelings about whether or not to have kids at all. Life for the most part was...simple.

Then things changed.

I Want To Be More Than Just A Mom...And That's Okay

I love being a mother, I truly do. In my 40 years of life, there has never been anything more beautiful, miraculous and amazing that has happened to me than being Maddy’s mother. Even on the hard days - and there are been many - I still feel so blessed and in awe that my little girl is mine. It’s a responsibility that I don’t take lightly and I’m so very grateful for my child. 

Having said this, I’ve always had a desire to work outside of the home. Even when I found out I was pregnant, I knew that I would be taking my allotted maternity leave and then returning work. It was never a question or a debate for me. I like having the opportunity to develop my own interests and skills and truth be told, while they are the best gifts I’ve ever received, I have a desire to be paid in cold hard cash along with hugs and kisses. For me, it’s the best of both worlds.

And that’s okay.

Letters to Madeline: 7 Things I Want You To Remember About Starting Kindergarten

Dear Maddy,

Today is your last day of day care. I will hold your little hand as we walk inside your preschool classroom for the last time. We will end this part of your life in the same way we started – together. Since you were three months old, you’ve been in day care. In this time, you’ve learned so much: how to walk, how to talk, how to socialize, colors, numbers, and so much more. Your father and I have watched you grow from a helpless baby into a semi-independent girl and on Monday, you will start a new chapter of your life – kindergarten, or “big girl school” as you like to call it.

Although you’ve been to day care and preschool all these years, kindergarten will be different. This is what I’m told anyway. I wouldn’t know as I haven’t been there in 35 years, but the important thing to remember is that it’s the start of your official school record. It’s such an exciting time for you, Maddy. There are so many things I want to tell you about what you’re getting ready to experience but for now, this is what I want to tell you:

Do What You Know Is Right.

You have been raised to know right from wrong and you are blessed with the gift of discernment. Listen to the still, small voice that guides and directs you every day. Stand firm in what you know is good and right even if it’s not popular or well-received. At the end of the day, your character is the only thing that matters. Don’t compromise it for anyone.

Respect Your Teacher.

Aside from your father and me, your teacher (hopefully) will be your biggest support and advocate in your learning. This person has sacrificed their own time and money to give you the best start possible to your school career. Respect that, and the job they are doing that helps you.

Be Yourself.

One of the best things about starting kindergarten is the opportunity to make new friends and while that’s exciting and new all at the same time, don’t forget who you are. It’s okay to be different. Our differences is what makes the world go ‘round. Appreciate the talents and ideas that your new friends bring to the table but never forget what makes you truly special – simply being you.

Accept That You Will Make Mistakes and That’s Okay. 

The only guarantees in life are death, taxes and mistakes. Everyone makes them as we are all imperfect. I’m 40 and mess things up every day. Don’t beat yourself up when you make a mistake, instead, learn from it. Grow from it and keep your life moving. No successful person ever got anywhere wallowing in their self-pitty and goof-ups.

Never Stop Asking Questions and Being Curious. 

One of the many things I love about you is your curiosity. You’re always asking me or daddy questions about everything. Don’t ever lose your sense of wonderment in the world around you. Yes, it will make you a better student but more importantly, a better person. Keep your mind and heart open to new experiences, places and people.

Embrace and Celebrate Diversity. 

We are all unique in our own ways and bring something different to the table. All of us want to be loved, befriended and accepted for who we are. If you see that another child is struggling or needs help, ask what you can do to assist. Never make fun or pick on anyone. You wouldn’t want it done to you, right?

Don’t Forget to Have Fun!

You will only be young once. As you get older, you will gain more responsibility so yes, while kindergarten is the beginning of your scholastic career… its still just kindergarten (shhhhh. You never heard me say that). Don’t forget to laugh, to play and relish in your youth. One day you will be old, like me.

Oh, Maddy. I’m so proud of you and excited to see what is in store over the next year. I can’t wait to hear about all the amazing and wonderful things you’re going to do and learn over the next year. This is such an exciting time for you and for your dad and me as well. Per the usual, I’m sure you will handle this all with so much grace while your good ole mom is wrapped up in the fetal position crying myself to sleep. You may have to help me out a little bit, okay?

So on Monday, I will take your hand once more, albeit a little more grown up and walk with you into the next chapter of your life.

Just remember to wash your hands, okay? 

A Letter To My Daughter's Future Kindergarten Teacher

Dear Teacher,

We haven’t met yet so allow me to introduce myself: I’m Courtney, and I’m Maddy’s mom and on next Monday, my daughter will be in your care during the day. She is so excited to start “big girl school” which makes me happy but on the other hand, I'm a little scared and sad, too.

To be completely honest with you, I have a lot of anxiety about reaching this milestone. I worry about my daughter. I worry about her making new friends easily and fitting in. She can be painfully shy. I worry about her getting into trouble. She can be very stubborn and strong-willed when she wants to be. I worry about her losing her love of learning as I’ve seen it happen to other kids as they start school. I’m worried that she will get lost in her new surroundings. She can sometimes be forgetful. It’s hard to see a part of your heart grow up and walk out the door.

How I Lost 40 Pounds: Four Sensible & Healthy Ways I Lost The Weight

I have always struggled with my weight. From elementary school all the way up to today, I’ve been a human weight yo-yo. Some years, I was lean and strong. More years than not, I’ve been overweight and out of shape. My story is nothing new. Millions of women struggle everyday with their weight and issues of self-worth and self-love that are unjustly tied to the way we look. It hasn’t helped that I’ve been in relationships with men who have tied my worth and value to my weight but allow me to be clear: my weight struggles are just that – my own. While other’s comments and opinions about my weight have played a part in my journey, I take full responsibility for myself. After all, no one forced me to put the food in my mouth. My choices were my own.

So how did I manage to overcome my issues with food and weight? Honestly, I haven’t. It’s a daily, conscience effort to make the best decisions possible for myself and my body. Even though I’ve lost 40 pounds, I still struggle with my weight and food addiction on a daily basis.

Confession: As I type this, I’m eating a bowl of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. What can I say? Some days are good and some days are bad. That’s the reality of me as a work in progress. I think a part of my dieting success is attributed to the fact that I can own this – I have a food addiction problem. I struggle. To me, food equals comfort and honestly, it just tastes so. damn. good.

Having said this, my life came to a point in January when I realized I needed to make a change. For years I made excuses as to why I couldn’t get my shit together…

“I’m a new mom. I just don’t have time to take care of myself.”

“I’ve worked all day. I just want to go home and relax.”

“I just accomplished X, Y or Z. I deserve to celebrate!”

Denial: “I haven’t gained that much weight. I’m not that bad off.”

Lies. They were all lies.

The simple fact of the matter is that we all make time in our lives for the things that are important to us. For me, my weight had taken a back seat to anything and everything in my life. I was too busy taking care of everyone and everything else that I neglected the most important person of all – me. So how did I change that? Sensibly, slowly and reasonably.

Stop Telling Me When, How and Where To Talk About Politics

Let’s have a mutual understanding about this post before I continue, okay?

With everything going on in the world today, I have a lot on my heart and mind that I need want to talk about. I can’t go another day in silence writing about Starbucks trips, fluff and weekend updates. Those posts certainly have a time and place, but not today. Today, I’m serious. Since this is my blog, I guess I have the right to do that. You as my reader have the right to exit out now if you want however, I have a sneaky suspicion that you wouldn’t have clicked into this post after reading the title if you weren’t interested in what I have to say. Either way – welcome. If you choose to stay and read on, please also make the choice to do so with an open mind and an open heart. It’s cool if we disagree but let’s be kind. If you don’t think that’s possible, then please keep scrolling.

Cool? Cool. Let’s go.

I have always had a love of politics. Blame it on my insane need to see justice done. Blame it on the debater in me. Blame it on my high school political science teacher who ignited the fire in me to care about the issues. She’s also the one who wrote in my yearbook, “Dear Madam President” when she signed it. I was that passionate about it all, even in high school. Point the finger at whom or what you will but the fact remains – I enjoy politics but more than that, it’s important to me.

So please, stop telling me when, how and where to talk about it.

Working Girl to SAHM: Five Tips To Help You Fall In Love With Your New SAHM Life

Over the past five years, I’ve been fortunate enough to experience motherhood from both sides of the fence as a working mom outside the home and as a SAHM but I'll let you guys in on a little secret...

I never in a million years ever expected to be a SAHM in the slightest. EVER. If I'm being completely honest, I use to think, "Geez. What do they do all day? And why would anyone want to do it? Boring!" In my defense, I was young, kid-free and had my life to myself {translation: I was one of those childless adults who thinks they know it all where kids are concerned because I had a dog and a cat. Yes, I admit it - I was a poopy head}.

So let me back up for a minute and give you all a little background information. I've always been a working girl and am currently a working mom. Up until Maddy was born, it was me, myself and my career and I was happy with that. I like to work and honestly, I'm good at it. I know what I'm doing when I'm in my career element. I know who I am, what the expectations are and the end goals in sight. It's like second nature to me - comfortable, familiar and easy.